oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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