Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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