I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
