i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
