the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
