i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
