your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
