OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
