It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
