Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
