I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
