I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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