I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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