you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
