kristin has been a bad kristin
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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