yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
