I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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