I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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