this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
