she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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