found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
