One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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