im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
