in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
