i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize