you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
