She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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