found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
