I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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