i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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