i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
