apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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