Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
