She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
