The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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