That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
