You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
