PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
