she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
