Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
