I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
