tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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