Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
