I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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