I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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