Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize