i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
