hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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