just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
