I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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