Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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