I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Still dying that you shit outside
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
