So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
