Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
