I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
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