I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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