You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
