She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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