Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers