i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.