The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.