is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.