I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight