Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.