You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
