you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
