My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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