my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
