My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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